Maybe I Shouldn't Be Involved in Yard Work...

It has recently - as in today - come to my attention that maybe I'm not cut out for yard work. I try, I really do, but maybe it's just not for me. I'm really good at home improvement activities, I'm just not sure that extends to the out-of-doors. I can change light fixtures, I'm darn good at painting and woodwork, I can reface a kitchen, and I'm sure that if I set out to re-carpet or redo hardwood floors I would be successful. (haha-my computer changed that to stressful - a little Freudian slip on my part??)

One thing I am apparently not Super Woman at is yard work and lawn care.

This morning I decided that we needed to finally cut our lawn. It hasn't been cut since last fall and I'm fairly certain that if I didn't keep a close eye on the little guy he would be lost in the verdant undergrowth. It was at least a foot tall in places, and we don't call the little guy that for no reason.

A little back story - last night my glasses went missing. I was pretty certain the dog took them, but when I was clearing the lawn of debris I didn't see them anywhere. Have you figured out where this is going? I hadn't...

I got the lawnmower out of it's coveted home by the side of the house, not even certain if it would run. I took it over to the edge of the lawn, and lo and behold, after about 5 minutes of pulling on that annoying string that I think only exists to annoy the weaker among us, I got the darn thing started. I only had to do three rows of strenuous pushing before I remembered that we had an automatic-thingy that made the wheels go on their own! Only three rows this year!!

As I was on my fourth row I sort of noticed something shining in the grass. Now, this would be the point at which you remember that my glasses were missing... Yep. I looked down just as the lawnmower spit out my $500 glasses. They were mangled. I wanted to cry but instead just handed them to Yaya to take inside because I was still riding the high of actually turning on and operating the mower. I made a bunch more passes and actually made it to the swing set. I was so proud of myself!

After I had mowed the grass next to the side of the swing set I was ready to do the back part of the yard. On my first pass I came upon some sort of obstacle. I didn't stop to think about what it could be and so I pushed and pushed until I was victorious. As soon as I broke through of the hang-up I about passed out when I saw what it was. Can you guess? Do you want to?

I had pulled the sprinkler out. I didn't just rip the top off - I pulled the entire dang thing out of the ground. It was broken off where I can hardly fit my hand to repair it. I don't even want to know how much this is going to cost.

Needless to say, I told Brian all about it and he is hiring me a lawn service. Wise decision.

Oh, and the glasses, which I desperately need to be able to see? Those are going to take 10 days to get back. Oh, my life.

Friday Five 5/11/2012

A fellow blogger - http://heatherlgalaska.wordpress.com/ - has been posting the Friday Five for quite a while now, and I thought I would try and follow in her excellent footsteps... Here are the question for this week:

1. If you could get on a plane tomorrow, where would you go for a
   week? Where would you go for a month?

I have really been missing Hawaii lately. We were fortunate to be able to go twice last year and I really miss it. It certainly doesn't hurt that my husband lived on Oahu while he was growing up and knows where the best beaches are... If I were to go anywhere for a month I would go to Europe (anywhere).

1. Where do you want most to return to?

I would go to Germany. I lived there while I was growing up and there are so many places from my childhood that I would like to visit again that it would take at least a month to see everything.

1. What was your most memorable meal or drink while traveling?

How do I choose? 

There were memorable meals and drinks in so many places I have visited. I have a couple that stand out in my mind tho - Pizzeria Franco in Bad Vilbel for the lasagna. And yes, I would be sicker than sick if I ate it again, because of the gluten, but I'm willing to take that risk. I have never tasted anything better. The cheese was so bubbly and the sauce was divine. They were across the creek from us and we ate there at least every week for two years.

I love the chorizo tacos as Serg's on Oahu, HI. If you make it out that way, stop at his taco stand. There is one in Waimanalo and one in Honolulu. I kid you not - I have a pretty small stomach and I force myself to eat four of them every time I get to the restaurant (two or three visits a trip). Try the guacamole sauce - you won't be disappointed! For you Colorado readers: his brother in law was the coach of the Buffs for a few years (he may still be but I don't keep up on that stuff). I know this because I was wearing a CU shirt the first time we were there and Serg spoke with us for quite a while. Just a little bit of cool trivia!

1. What is the most breathtaking view in your city? How about from your travels?

The best view in my city would be any view from Lookout Mountain. There's just something about the city lights and the stars that can't be beat. In all of my travels I would say the best view is from Rigi Mountain, in Zug, Switzerland. I lived there as a child and there was nothing more amazing to me than eating Rusti from the top of the peak and looking over the mountains and down at the lake. I love it. 

1. What’s the most touristy thing you’ve done?

The most touristy things I have done would probably have to be during any of my travels since I was about 18 years old. I was used to travel and living in a lot of places, and so in my mind I always thought it would be that way and I would have all of the time in the world to see everything. Now that I am older I make a point to always visit the main attractions wherever we are so we never miss anything. When it wasn't my money being spent I didn't worry about putting something off because I would be back. Now that I have to pay for it I make sure to see everything because it might be my only chance!

Happy Travels!

The Internet Wasn't Working - So I Shot My Computer

The internet wasn’t working, so I shot my computer. (You have to say that with a southern accent, it works much better…)

                      

It seems as if the computer gods are out to get me. I am thwarted at every turn. Shmer.

I am a Petroleum Landman by trade (I know, get the pitchforks, I’m part of the problem, not the solution to pretty much everything you can think of right now, I bet) and I utilize the internet for pretty much everything I do. Many of the websites are state-run, which I can only access through Internet Explorer, or county-run, which seem to be ok with Chrome, and, like all things the government gets involved in, sometimes they just don’t work right. Surprised? I’m not, but I am working on a project right now with pretty strict deadlines, and if I can’t get online, I can’t get this done, and then I won’t have a job. I know this is a problem many people face. It is not just my problem, it is a collective problem, but today, I am sharing my story.

For instance, I am on the state-run website, and I can SEE that there are oil and gas wells, but when I pull up the county site it says that there are no documents. ‘No Results Found’ I mimic, sneering to my computer before making Grrrrr sounds at it. I should just start banging on the keyboard and it might reflect the sounds I am currently making.

This was my conversation with IE earlier this morning. See how nice and polite I was?

Me: Hello, Internet Explorer, it is very nice to see you today! Will you please let me pull up the information I need?

IE: Maybe, but it’s going to cost you.

Me: Whatever do you mean, my dear friend Internet Explorer?

IE: It’s just that I’m getting pretty sick and tired of doing this and doing that and pulling up the pages you want to look at only to have you close them a second later. It’s a lot of work and I’m tired. I need a vacation.

Me: Please, Internet Explorer, my friend, my pal, will you please help me today? I need you, and then you can have a break. It’s Friday! I don’t make you work weekends! Please, I’m begging you now!

IE: We’ll see. I’m not very motivated today.

Me: Well, if that’s the best you can do, then I guess that’s that.

IE: Yup.

So, we end our conversation and I try to pull something up. Nothing. It is clear to me that IE wasn’t trying to be silly or facetious. He was telling me the truth. He kept trying to tell me that he couldn’t find the page. I had to hit refresh numerous times before he got his lazy butt up and went to his file cabinet to pull the magical information and paste it to my screen.

This is my later conversation:

Me: Fine, IE, you are NOT my friend anymore and I’m going to tell all of my REAL friends not to use you, because you are worthless. You hear me? WORTHLESS!

IE: You can’t do that.

Me: Why not? (now I am worried I will lose this battle)

IE: Because many sites depend on me and only work with me.

Me: (trying to click open the page again. IE is lazy again. We get into the clicking war. AGAIN) You are, ugh! I don’t even know the word! I am so more than frustrated right now.

IE: Smug. I am smug. I choose what you will and won’t get done today. That makes me smug.

Me: I’m sooo glad you’ve been reading dictionary.com again. It seems to be doing you wonders. Now. OPEN UP THIS PAGE!

IE: No.

Me: ARGH ARGH ARGH! I really don’t like you right now, IE. You are ruining my day.

IE: Now you know what it feels like. Ha ha. I win.

Me: No you don’t. I win. I will just shoot the computer and solve the whole problem.

(IE immediately decides to work again. I am happy with the outcome. It just took a little threatening to solve the problem, although it will happen all over again on Monday.)

Now, if I could only get Chrome to work. It doesn’t seem to respond to my threats as much. I think it is ignoring me. I think it thinks that I’ve gone off my rocker. Probably. Yeah, pretty much. Can somebody give me a lobotomy? Please?

"Wisdom" Teeth

I do not fully comprehend the IQ of my so-called ‘wisdom’ teeth. They do not seem very smart to me. It turns out that my lower ‘wisdom’ teeth are impacted. Well, it doesn’t ‘turn out’ that they are - I knew they were when they first attempted to break through and failed. I have known this for many years. I am also not that smart because the dentists told me they should come out years ago but I failed to heed their advice and now I am paying the price. The uppers had been impacted but sometime during the last 2 years they popped out of the gums all of the way.

On Super Bowl Sunday my jaw really started hurting. I figured it was just a massive sinus infection because I have had the ones where it makes you feel like your teeth are shifting in your head and you want to scream. I, not so wisely, assumed it would go away. I was already scheduled for a teef cleaning on Tuesday morning so I just suffered through it, taking two twelve-hour Aleve every two hours, assuming the dentist would see the massive infection in my sinuses and I could head straight to Urgent Care to get the antibiotics I so desperately needed.

Alas, that was not the case. It turns out that my not-so-smart tooth caused a massive infection in itself and my gums. The dental hygienist basically told me it was causing gingivitis.

***

OK – that is my ‘before’ story. I stopped writing this blog because the pain was too bad and it was all I could do to work and take care of the kids. Brian actually did most of the care-taking and for that I am deeply appreciative. I did get antibiotics for the initial infection of the wisdom tooth and then was told I needed to have it removed because they couldn’t guarantee an infection wouldn’t come back. I decided they all needed to come out at the same time. That was smart… (queue a string quartet for da teefs)

I had all four stinkin’ wisdom teeth out on Wednesday afternoon. It is now Sunday and the pain has mostly subsided for the top ones. The bottoms, however, are a different story and I think I may have dry sockets. Ah, yes, the dreaded ‘dry socket’.

I listened to everyone’s advice about avoiding dry sockets and I really tried my best. However, apparently my best isn’t enough.  The pain of a dry socket is absolutely unbearable. (I’m sorry to all of you that I didn’t listen to in the first place) It makes me want to rip my jaw off and pay the consequence of healing from entire mouth removal. (Ok, I know that is a bit drastic) I can’t really talk without pain and any sound sends shockwaves through my body, and it is not fun!

Tomorrow I will hopefully find out what is up with the tooth situation. Wish me luck! I have so much more respect for the whole ‘wisdom’ tooth removal thing. (but I still don’t think those teeth are all that smart!)

Is it Morally or Ethically Wrong to Cage a Two Year Old?

The little guy can be the sweetest person on the planet, and then, in the blink of an eye, he can become a holy terror. It is enough to drive a person mad! One minute he will be hugging you, kissing you, telling you he loves you and just generally being the best baby boy I have ever met (not biased at all…). The next minute he will have dropped something or broken something or made a mess of everything I had just managed to clean and then demand that I pick it up, fix it, or put it away for him.

For instance, he spilled his juice for the umpteenth time this morning (I lost count between 5 and 500 – and yes, I do use sippy cups) so I handed the rag to him. He looked at me as if I had two heads and a snake coming out of my mouth and said, “No. Mommy do it. Mommy clean up.” I argued back and forth with him for way too long for my own sanity before he ran off, screaming with laughter, continuing his rant about “Mommy do it! Mommy do it!” Well, I was beat by the logic of a two year old. I’m still scratching my head on that one. Short of grabbing his scrawny arm and wiping the mess up with it (which I’m sure in some circles would get the pitchforks gathered around my house for child abuse) I was left with nothing to do but wipe it up myself.

Then, at lunch time, he spilled some shredded cheese on his seat. Guess what happened? Oh yeah, the same dance from snack time with the same chant that is really starting to get on my nerves. After a morning of this I decided I had endured enough and did the next best thing to caging him and shipping him off to join the circus – I locked him in his room and forced him to take a nap. Bad Mommy? Maybe. I think it’s probably the best option out of all of the other things I was thinking of doing with him.

It is like living with Napoleon, or how I imagine living with Napoleon would be. He is tiny for his age but so certain of his role as ‘boss’ in the house that he will do anything in his power to get you to do something for him. If he doesn’t get his way he will shriek the most ear-splitting scream that I want to yell right back at this diminutive dictator. I want to cage him like I can the puppy when he gets out of line. I want to rip my hair out of my head and stick forks in my ears to stop the ringing.

Fortunately for me I haven’t done any of these things, because this, like all trials and tribulations of living with a two year old, will soon pass. Then I would be left with sparse hair and no hearing and that would be no fun when I try and intimidate his dates when he starts dating. Actually, maybe I should just get it over with now, because I’m sure there will be no rest for this wicked Mama for the rest of her life. Then, when that was done, I could come up with other delightful ways of inflicting pain on myself. I will get back at him one day, though. I just have to figure out the right mode for revenge…

Sometimes, though, I wonder at the legality of caging him. Do you think anyone would tell on me?

How could I lock up that face? I'm screwed.

Worst. Mother. Ever.

I am officially the worst mother of the year. The rest of you can rest easily because I have taken the title for you. (You should probably rest easy for the entire time I am a parent – I calculate that will end… at my death. There ya go – free pass for life!!)

It all started when I spent the day trying to figure out a ton of math problems for work. This wouldn’t be so bad except that over the course of a week I seem to have forgotten math. Totally. As in – I’m not even certain that 2+2=5. That’s right, right?? It appears that way these days.

I have spent the week with a screaming two year old and a six year old that gets so mad at him that she screams at the top of her lungs, slams her door, and continues to yell. We have a rule against yelling in the house, which she clearly knows about, because the rules are posted on the fridge, but she chose to scream anyway. So, she got herself grounded (not that she was going anywhere anyway, but the point was made, which is all I ask for anymore).  

My brain is fried, to say the least.

Today I forgot about a parent teacher conference. Lovely.  I feel so bad about it. When I realized it I almost cried. I have felt like such an inadequate parent this year. I’m not sure if it is because I am projecting my own horrible first grade experiences on to the teachers this year or what. I am beginning to think that first grade teachers are all the same (no offense to first grade teachers everywhere, but I had a really bad experience with mine).

I say this to Yaya - “I feel as if I am failing 1^st grade all over again!”

She tells me, “I am going to write a short story about it.”

“About what?” I ask.

“You failing first grade. It will be just a short story, with a short story line.”

I think about this for a moment as I pull into the little guy’s school parking lot.

I put the car into park in the parking spot and turn around to say to her, “I didn’t fail first grade, for the record.”

Yaya think about this for a moment and then says, “Hmm. It will make a good story anyway.”

I am officially screwed and I don’t even know what excuse to use on her teachers. If all else fails, blame Brian. ;o)

Then we get home. I think everything is going ok (after I call Brian and vent about my inadequacies at parenting, obviously).

Little guy was playing in the yard. Not quite happily but he was enjoying the snow. Yaya pops her head out the door all bundled up like she has places to go and people to see. She wants to go to the neighbors. I tell her ‘No, it’s dinner time as soon as I cook the pizza.” She throws me a look of absolute hatred and slams the door.

I usher LG in a few minutes later and ask where Yaya is. She is oh-so-slowly peeling off her winter gear and crying. “You are the Worst. Mother. Ever,” she screams as she runs to her room. I shake my head and commence making dinner.

Dinner goes smoothly and everyone is happy and eats pretty much everything on their plates. (A far cry from what transpired just 14 minutes before) Score for me!

I go to put the little guy to bed and realize I have forgotten his blanky at preschool. Not Good. I have been back and forth to his room for the better part of two hours and he still refuses to sleep. I am exhausted due to the stairs. Why didn’t I buy a ranch house?? I am kicking myself for losing the original Blanky a few weeks ago. Dang – to have two Blankies right now!!

Wait… All is quiet upstairs… Maybe they have gone to sleep! I’ll check in a bit. That silence is golden!

Tiny Trip to the South

I’ve been back from Arkansas for a couple of weeks now but I am just now getting down to writing about the trip. Sorry about that!

Anywho, I made the second flight and made it to Little Rock. It was so nice to finally see Brian! You just never realize how much you miss someone until you get there and get to hug them again. I had never been to Arkansas and as we flew in on the little plane the trees and river and the rest of the scenery was just gorgeous. Being in Colorado so much of the time I really miss deciduous forests with all the undergrowth and dark secret places inside them I remember from my childhood. As we drove through town to the US Pizza Company (http://www.uspizzaco.net/) that I had read served gluten free pizza (it’s absolutely delicious and I totally recommend eating there if you are in the area) I was amazed at how much it reminded me of New England. The winding roads went up and down hills and there were quite a lot of period-style homes all over the place.

Our first night we drove around looking for the Big Damn Bridge and were totally steered wrong by the GPS. We ended up at a nature preserve somewhere in the country. No worries… We just drove to base and then tried to make a plan of attack to explore the area.

Brian mentioned Memphis was only about two hours away from Little Rock and then we decided we would go in the morning and see what it was all about. I was secretly super excited. Neither of us had been before and we thought it would be a nice little adventure. Without kids. What could be better?

I am happy to report there were no mishaps on the drive and we made it to Beale Street and parked the car. We weren’t sure what we were getting into but that is my favorite way to travel. I love to get to a new location with only a few ideas or suggestions of things to do and explore and discover as we go along.

It turns out that you can drink on Beale Street. A four block section was cordoned off by the police and you could walk up and down with adult beverages. Awesome!! Beale St. is like Duval St. in Key West but with a blues/jazz theme instead of island décor everywhere – obviously. After a rather large vodka punch the size of my head I decided that we needed tattoos. Yeah… It was clearly a drink-induced idea, but I’ve wanted one for eight years now and I guess that’s enough time to procrastinate. (I procrastinate very well, in case you didn’t know)

Vodka Punch that started it all.

By the time we found a hotel and a tattoo parlor I was stone cold sober and rather dreading my decision. I was shaking and about to pass out as Brian and I perused the fonts for my tattoo. In the end, after some intense hand-squeezing on my part and poor Brian’s hand being gouged out by my nails (lucky for him they are very short), I ended up with an awesome tattoo that is just as I imagined it for all of these years. The funny thing is - I bought all these cuff bracelets so I could cover it up and now I don’t want to hide it. It’s on full display for all to see and I’m not ashamed.

My tattoo will remind me I have the courage!

Beale St. at night is crazy! It gets so crowded that it’s hard to walk. But, it is amazingly awesome fun to wander the streets with a drink in hand and not get in trouble.

These guys were amazing acrobats. They just took off down the street with back flips, handsprings and whatnot!

Jello shot in a syringe... yup, good idea!

Notice the police car... 

This was soon after sundown - and it only got more crowded and fun later.

The next morning we woke up and decided to go to Graceland. (http://www.elvis.com/graceland/) That place is nuts… We went on the tour of the house; which is so tacky and gaudy that it’s incredible. I noticed a few pieces of furniture and accessories I’m fairly certain my grandparents owned as well. I kept trying to remember that the house was as Elvis left it and was probably very modern for the time, but it was difficult at times to take everything seriously – like I said, it was REALLY tacky! We bought the mid-priced package and went on a tour of the automobiles, the airplanes and the costumes in addition to Graceland. I must say I loved the clothes the best. It’s crazy to see so much of Elvis’s stuff in person, and reading about some of the charities and things he was involved in to make Memphis a better place to live made me appreciate him more.

The one thing that was frustrating was that half of the grounds at the museum were gift shops. It was a never ending parade of trinkets that you couldn’t get away from no matter how hard you tried as you were funneled through them on the way to and from the exhibits. The commercialism of it was a bit ridiculous and I wasn’t the only person commenting on it. I could hear whispers of people saying, “Oh, what do you know, another gift shop!” So, the shops were a bit over the top, but I am glad to say I’ve now been to Graceland. I guess cross that off the bucket list…

After leaving Graceland we decided to head down to Mississippi since Brian and I had been not been there before and we weren’t sure when we’d ever get back down that way.

It was a very pretty, pleasant drive with farm fields surrounding us and very little traffic. We decided Tunica would be where we went to see the Mighty Mississippi and get some lunch. We were ‘hankering’ for some good southern food.

Mississippi River - we missed the ride on the Tunica Queen.

On the road to the river Brian said the funniest thing after I pointed out the cotton growing in the fields: “Wow! This is the first time I’ve seen cotton in the wild!” I don’t know what it was about what he said and how it was inflected, but I broke into laughter and couldn’t stop for so long. Maybe it’s because the cotton wasn’t really in the wild but someone did painstaking labor to grow and collect it, but it was funny to me. I like to bring it up to him every once in a while and I still get a good giggle out of it. Wild cotton clearly in a field… Okey dokey then, moving right along… Nothing to see here, people…

Our lunch at the Blue and White Restaurant in Tunica (http://blueandwhiterestaurant.com/) was delicious. Trying to find something to eat was a little bit hard for me since I can’t eat gluten, but I ordered a hamburger steak with onions and mushrooms and some turnip greens with a loaded baked potato. Brian was lucky – he got to have chicken fried steak, fried green tomatoes, and something else fried that I can’t remember. Delicious!!

Our journey being over we headed across the Mississippi and back into Arkansas to get back to base. It was just a nice little road trip all around. Brian started his class on Monday and I got my work done as well. Then it was time for me to go home. It was so nice to just let our sails out and see where the wind blew us for a couple of days. It’s not often we get to do that with the busy life here at home.

We did make it to my original place of interest before going to the airport. And it really was a Big Dam Bridge!!